It kinda feels lonely as a butch transbian. Most transfemmes go cute/floral/alternative. I love wearing my cargo shorts and pants. Tank tops that show of my impressive delts and biceps muscles. But I switch it up with dresses and skirts sometimes. Half half or full femme because I still got that need for it.

I am so grateful for the boob job that health insurance paid for. It gave me the confidence to do most of that.

I am rarely in spaces where cis lesbians are, never really interact with them. I feel a bit alien around them. I grew up very differently than them. Noone forced feminity onto me as a child.

After coming out of the closet I quit my job at the metal workshop. Only rural conservative folks there.

I tried college again but failed. I worked some blue collar job and factory work. I felt less dysphoric around men than women. And office work isn’t bad either, I could finally wear skirts, dresses and nice shoes to work. But in the end I am looking to go back to some blue collar environment. Wanna work with my hands more. I dont mind that I’d wear more work clothes, I am more butch already.

Trans broken arm syndrome. I am nearing 10 years HRT. I am the healthiest I have ever been.

Your doctors are stupid, sorry you had to experience that.

It kinda got ridiculous how easy I cry nowadays. From a stoic dude to this emotional mess.

Haha, yeah as German I had a big laugh. Imaging people wanting you to join their mafia.

When I get misgendered and I just dont care about it anymore. Happens only when I dress more masculine or have my motorcycle gear on.

I am content with my body and gender after all the years on E and surgeries. No cis nonsense can do anything about it.

Basically that. Using software with firejail and apparmor. Making a security audit with lynis. Getting more knowledgeable about open ports and what software is able to do.

Yeah, got me into Linux hardening.

I love them. I should donate again. I use even more software from them now.

its nice on my laptop but I dont get Yast and installing software with zypper is kinda harder than it needs to. But I like the spirit.

Yeah it probably won’t. Like Theresa and Shirow said the mental transition is the biggest influence that can change you. We are living in a superficial world. The internet is filled with survivorship bias(attractive people tend to show off and are more visible), keep that in mind.

I too see myself as unattractive(lack features that our society sees as attractive) and sometimes feel alienated when I consume media. What helped me dealing with that is working on my mental health, and time.

I am in the team “HRT is not magic”. HRT is giving you smooth skin and small titties for the most part, the rest is up for you to do unfortunately.

I wrote a post a few months back where I ranted my emotions and since then my situation improved again. I have bad and good years since starting transition. And I am not alone, we are all struggling, some maybe more than others. Please don’t beat yourself up too much over it. Give it some time.

But the other bees and pollinators are. And thats scary.

I hate this language

It hurts less after you power through the beginning. Also with regular use you might get used to it more and more.

I don’t know how, but I am basically a powerhouse 24/7. only shift is when when I do boring stuff, then my mind shuts off and with it my body.

Don’t feel any change. Had pills, gel and now injections. 9 years HRT. May be placebo

Wild to suggest as THE first thing for someone who experienced gender dysphoria for the first time to directly experiment with HRT. I don’t know, seems like that would be something like step 4. I get that it might help one to help with finding the truth but maybe start with something less invasive?

And no, I am not a gatekeeper. I supply trans people with HRT. People who came to terms with their transness and don’t want to wait for the bureaucracy to get it for them.

Lidl, a grocery store, even has a tool brand called parkside. It even rivals other brands in quality nowadays.

Thank you very much for your words! They helped.

Some things I want to add for clarification. I think that when the loneliness gets better by having one or two more friends and/or a significant other, that other problems might solve themselves too. I could reduce alcohol even more, spend more times on solo activities that I really enjoy. The loneliness fucks with me. Distorts my thoughts and feelings.

I may look for a running group, I just wish there could be a trans running group. I could imagine that in a gendered setting like running cis people, especially outside leftist circles, are not easy to be around, but I will try regardless. Can’t complain if I don’t try it.

About my job situation. I am a college dropout and never finished any training till this year so I just worked jobs I could get with my lousy CV. It should improve now. I may start my new job next month. Already had interviews there and we clicked, the work seems very nice.

It really sucks and the worst part is that it can hit you in the worst ways. Transphobes have a wide range with their nonsense. You get comfortable with debunking one and they hit you with another. It sucks. Seek out good people wherever you can :)