Marcela (she/her)

I wish this was an alternate reality where the chain is called Transgender Chili, and the manager was fired for being a bigot.

Congratulations

A cucumber or sth IIRC. But it is like the camera focuses on the deed. Seemed very deliberate.

Similar thing happens with the trans woman in Orange is the New Black. Is this a trope or what?

I think it was all over the repo.

to let a generic phrase be forever attached to a political movement in any setting is a bit much

ahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

BTW this is a prolonged ‘Aha moment’, not a typesetting symbolism of laughter.

“Living space”, like? Displacing other peoples to provide an ideal amount of population density to your own people is still not OK. Or it should be anyway.

Good, but the way the developer spells “nazy” makes me to follow the quoted advice on my own brain process:

if you want to change the wallpaper during runtime, you must pkill the daemon, and then start it again

The first name of the project was “The Final Solution to your Wayland Wallpaper Worries”. The developer reports he was unaware of the connotation until the Ukraine war happened.

Please don’t overthink my response. Your second edit is spot on. Also I sometimes disagree slightly to push the discussion in an already agreed direction, and this is the case here. I hope this clears that up.

Let me highlight some bits of your message:

I clearly have attitudes that being trans is monstrous

Exposure therapy has been helpful, and my overall distress from trans people is much less now than it was at the start.

But surgeries do not resolve trauma and setbacks formed through years of closetedness, dysphoria, and denial.

I am beginning to feel like this is one of the biggest sources of my continued distress - it’s not just that I am trans, it’s that I lived so long as a man and what that did to me (physically yes, but mentally is what I mean).

But I have get across other people who like you have gone through surgeries to find something to be desired at the other end.

I do think this is the right take-away, the fact that neovaginas are lined with skin that will never be like or function like a natal vagina is a technicality - the bottom line is that vaginoplasty has excellent outcomes and are totally worth it. (Even if it’s not quite as good as you mentioned.)

Let me start by that last part. I meant that a bit differently. I meant that I have met people who have undergone SRS and then they want to be done with gender dysphoria and the trans label. A person might develop dysphoria later in life about a facial feature for instance, but fails to realize it is dysphoria, because she is “done” with surgeries, and done with “being trans”. This is related to the misconception that HRT and SRS eventually “make you cis”. Because supposedly they define transness as the presence of dysphoria, thus relieving dysphoria makes you not-trans anymore. That is why I prefer (and WHO) to base the definition on gender incongruence, or simply “being trans”. It might also be based on an individualist and assimilationist approach to transitioning. And it is rooted in internalized transphobia, in your case with a prominent disgust/aversion element.

This might also make you want to be singled out and not be lumped together with the category of trans people. You framed your exposure to us as exposure therapy. This might come off as a bit dehumanizing. It is the solidarity and community with other trans people that is a substinence and steadfastiness parameter, the opposite of individualist assimilationism. It is very important for marginalized groups to come together. Come to think of it, I was active in support groups both online and IRL, and that also helped me get through transition. Actually this is a reason I sought out to be a member of this community, solidarity among trans women must be a given. Just being together with other people like you is something of itself. I always feel relief and sisterhood in the company of trans women, not that I hadn’t been disappointed or betrayed. I have.

I tend to think that psychology is just not a matured discipline and operates on poor theories, and at the very least most psychologists leave the field ill equipped to deal with the kinds of issues I had.

This is the closest to the possible reasons I intuitively thought that would be a barrier for you to be helped by therapy. I think you are in error about this on multiple levels, the first is that I don’t see a direct link from academic psychology to therapy practice. But some of it is related, and there are studies that show that therapy is effective. The school of thought of therapy is not significant, it seems that the critical factor is the relationship with a therapist and the process itself. So it is a process. These attitudes, together with rationalization, might have been barriers for you to be helped.

Of course it goes without question that the therapist must be knowledgable in gender dysphoria. I also see that you feel like your problems are to specific and particular to be handled by just any therapist, or the field of psychology itself. I don’t have an answer for you right there, but I have seen it before. I don’t know what it means, but I know that it has hindered people from starting therapy or make them postpone it till their problems become overwhelming. Of course you said you have tried therapy consistently, but you might have been looking down at psychology as a discipline and at the same time not trusting it to understand your specific situation. Rationalization and possible neurodivergence also may be part of it. Your eclecticism (eg PhD psychologists) might not be helpful, I don’t know the Southern US situation well, but a PhD could be too sterile academic work. You need someone with relevant field knowledge, clinical experience, and a good fit to you personally. All these are more important factors than PhDs.

To continue a thought from before, this is a way you’re setting yourself up to not be helped by therapy. You already bring up yourself several issues that you need to process within a relationship and within a community. So you are smart enough to see that your nightmare and following post here was literally the tip of the iceberg, and there is a bullet list of topics already, internalized misandry, internalized aversion to transness, being unprepared for your new normal, and then the self-esteem issues and being made redundant, which is stressful in itself. Also, this is already too personal and you should not be so open about it on the internet. It belongs to therapy, or other trusted setting. There is also this community’s matrix which has encrypted channels and an emotional support room. Best of luck!

Great work, and rich resources. Please archive, for those who know how.

That’s ten in base-based. /joke

Edit: Perhaps this was more correct some years ago

I mean this only happened two days ago. Skimming through the comments it seems like it was written by Matt Walsh; it was the BBC.

Did you forget yet about how we wrote that there might be data showing that trans people should be more likely to get arrested? What if that were true? Or what if non-binary people are ten times more likely to traffic infants? What if puberty blockers are a kind of sex crime? What if doctors are climbing through windows to suture penises to sleeping cheerleaders? The next time you see a trans person, you ought to ask yourself these questions.

Oh dear that last phrase is the bollocks. ROFL

Nice find. I love the color palete and the humor. Definately following this artist.

their account name I’m guessing their primary work is with trans inclusion

Hers.

TERFs are nazis. And vice versa. Why are you surprised by the latter?

It is telling that Labele’s work has gone from intellectual takes on being and growin up trans, to mostly counter-TERF comebacks, to strictly political cartoons lately.

Much like the evolution of the copaganda toy equipment, it is an attestation to the rise of fascism.

You have read more books than me, and I won’t suggest more. Knowledge does not seem to help you. Two things I learned early in transition and helped me come alive on the other side. These two things (and faith). The axioms are: 1) Being trans sucks. 2) But being trans is not wrong.

Surgeries are anyone’s own privilege and they should not be gatekeeped. But surgeries do not resolve trauma and setbacks formed through years of closetedness, dysphoria, and denial.

You choose to fixate over the tissue details, at a scientific detail I can’t follow. But I have get across other people who like you have gone through surgeries to find something to be desired at the other end. As a congenial stranger, a fellow trans person, I see you deprive yourself of options and also deprive yourself of happiness.

Happiness many of us achieve with and without surgery. You will definately benefit from therapy, although finding the right person can be challenging. Mine was an LGBT specialist, but had also a background in cognitive therapy and dealing with trauma. I had other therapists before, and had lots of groundwork done before even tackling transition issues. (Don’'t get me wrong I would never achieve a basic level of psychological functioning without transitioning.)

You had many therapists and none helped. With all respect and solidarity to your troubles, this might mean that you are not allowing yourself to be helped. Many therapists will also be intimidated by your intelligence and attention to detail. This is a tricky bit, with many of us, growing up accustomed to being the smartest person in the room.

You have your advanced takes on things, your intelligence and diligence and it might be hard to make yourself vulnerable enough to allow and be helped (either by therapy or faith). But you’re setting yourself up. You need to change route, and I worry about you.

Instead of trying to nullify your transness, consider what being trans has done to your psyche, as you have mostly done whatever is possible for the part that relates to your body. Not having been helped by many therapists still means you have not received the care you need on that front. You still owe that bit to your future self, as you did with SRS.